Willy Wonka toilet dunk

Once again my dream was centred around me needing the toilet. This time I was holding a hardback copy of the book Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory. 

I made my way into a public toilet with three cubicles with my book under my arm. 

I entered a cubicle and instead of a toilet there was a large blue plastic barrel full of water. I carefully balanced my book on the rim of the barrel and began to pee. 

As I am still doing my business a small boy enters the cubicle and spits on my book. Outraged by this I take hold of the boys head and dunk it repeatedly into the barrel. 

The boy quickly sees the error of his actions and starts to cry. I wipe the book on his clothes and walk off and wake up needing the toilet. 

                         

Aliens and horse pooh

Standing in the street with a gun blasting oncoming aliens with a handful of others doing the same, I took pleasure in killing every last one of them. 

Or so I thought, as I stood triumphant the sky darkened as a massive alien spaceship filled the horizon. 

We turned and fled as a huge tidal wave of water started to crash through the streets towards us. Before I could get far I was engulfed in water. 

The next thing I knew I was collecting horse pooh from a field and loading it into a wheelbarrow. 

With my barrow full I started to head for the gate out of the filed. I then noticed that a bull was running towards me, another look and I saw there were several of them charging at me. 

Not letting go of my wheelbarrow I ran at full speed reaching the gate. 

I then saw that all my collected pooh had fallen out! 

                      

A tall case of waiting

Last night I found myself at either a train station or airport. It wasn't clear as I was in a terminal waiting to depart but couldn't see beyond the exit. 

I didn't have a suitcase but knew I had left one somewhere but couldn't remember where it was. Everyone around me were either carrying or pulling a suitcase on wheels. 

The suitcases were all at least 8 feet tall too, making them extremely difficult to manoeuvre.  

As I watched the people go by, they were either attempting to pick up fallen cases or struggling to move them across the shiny floor.

                          

Million pound garage

I was slowly reversing my car up to the closed door of a garage. It looked fairly ordinary as garages go but I was aware that it was for sale and the asking price was one million pounds. 

I stopped switched off my engine and stared intently at it through my rear view mirror. 

The next thing I was aware of was that I was late for school, I was an adult and the school was one that I worked at rather than attended as a child. 

Knowing that I faced losing my job for constantly being late I franticly ran along empty corridors looking for teachers. 

I spent hours searching the entire school without finding anyone. 

In my mind I then came to the logical conclusion that if no one knew I was late then I was safe from losing my job. 

I woke up with the song 'One night only' in my head but the version sung by that child on Britain's got talent. Most annoying.  

 

                   

Off with her head!

I woke my wife with my shouting out in my sleep last night. The reason being was that I saw an old woman who was holding up the decapitated head of the queen by the hair. 

Such was my distress at seeing our monarch befall such a gruesome end like some of her predecessors that I yelled out in alarm. 

I next drove a white Ferrari into a field where some kind of village fate was going on. I found my dads best friend Pat very drunk falling all over the place and decided to look after him.  

After a while Pat decided he wanted an ice cream and we located an ice cream van but the woman said she had no electricity and everything had melted. 

Pat asked for some chocolate flakes and when the woman handed them to him they were made of ice cream. Pat grabbed hold of them and the ice cream squirted into the air. 

                       

Baby beard

I was in the bath at my mums house having a soak when I noticed that I didn't have any soap, shampoo or towel. 

I was also aware that I was late for work so I stepped out of the tub and started to levitate a few feet off the floor. 

Dripping wet and naked I floated out of the bathroom and into a supermarket checkout. Staff and customers noticed me but didn't seem to think a naked man levitating was strange and went about their business. 

As often in my sleep when I need the toilet I dream about it, this time I entered a bathroom to find the urinal was in the shape of a trombone and blue. Water was leaking from it so I decided to wee in the sink. 

Just as I stepped over towards the sink a doctor entered the room with a young man and his baby. He placed both father and son into the sink and started to examine them. 

The doctor spoke as he conducted his examination and said the the man, "Don't worry surgery will rectify this problem".  

When I looked at the baby closer, it had a full beard!

                          

                                                        

Paul Weller hand gel

I was inside a room and I wanted to wash my hands so needed to go into the bathroom. I have no idea where I was but knew the bathroom was through a door to the room I was in. 

Before opening the door I placed a rubber car mat under it which was black but had a picture of singer song writer Paul Weller on it. 

Entering the room I noticed the door handle also had Paul's picture on it. 

Washing my hands at the sink, the soap dispenser had his face on the front of it. 

Next very aware that I was asleep because I was running circles around a gym. This is something I'd never do awake so it was definitely a dream. 

Placed around the sides were grey coloured shorts with signs above them saying, 'Clean shorts'. 

Lastly I was in my car driving around the town centre of Barking in Essex. Trying to find a parking space was impossible as every where was rammed. 

I was then walking around a small office building unaware how I got there, a woman asked if I needed help and I stated that I just needed a parking space. 

The woman offered me a space in their company car park and I thanked her and went outside to find my car but it was nowhere to be seen. 

                        

The new face of menswear

Last night I had a dream I was applying or a job in one of the chain of menswear shops at Burtons. It was a two storey premises with a basement. As I descended the stairs I was told that there were two other candidates for the position.  

I felt confident of getting the job but just as I reached the bottom of stairs I noticed that there was a stack of newly published Burton magazines. 

On the front cover was the grinning face of my friend Matt who I then discovered in the basement also applying for the job.

On the cover under his photo it said, 'The new face of Burton'. 

Clearly annoyed at their decision to chose Matt without giving me an interview I left vowing my revenge. 

I was next in my mums front bedroom with a man I didn't know. I was informing him that I had planted a stack of dynamite in the basement at Burtons and it would explode as soon as Matt entered to start his new job. 

The man said that I wouldn't get away with it and that I was trapped in the room with him. 

I then opened the small window and squeezed through it, just as I dropped the man shouted that I'd kill myself in the fall. 

Little did he know that I had planned my escape and in the street below I had placed hundreds of cuddly toys to break my fall. 

                          

The Queen of toast

I was trying to get my mum back home. I'm unsure where we were but I flagged down a bus and secured us both a ride for only 10 pence. Bargain. 

There were limited seats so I stood in the isle facing a man who was smoking. Looking around at the rest of the passengers, most were also puffing away on cigarettes. Maybe that's why it was do cheap to travel.  

I said to the man before me to kindly keep his smoke away from me and he deliberately blew a mouthful of smoke into my face. 

Just as he did this we entered a dark tunnel throwing the bus into total darkness. As we emerged from the tunnel the smoking man was laying on the floor unconscious. I had a satisfied smile on my face. 

Next I was going to watch an open air standup comedy show in the street close by to my mums house. I was very surprised when the Queen and the late Queen mother both arrived at my mums front door. The Queen said to me, "One is here for the comedy show, would you make us some toast".

I rushed to the local cafe only to find it packed and everywhere I looked was rammed with people. 

I decided to take her majesty and her royal mother into my mums. It was a very odd sight to see them both sat in my mums modest living room munching on toast. 

                         

Never ending ladder

I was in my mums house upstairs in what was my sisters old room when we all lived at home. 

Through the open window flew a blackbird which perched on my shoulder. It was very friendly and I decided I would keep him as my pet. 

I was next with a man that looked familiar but I didn't know him. We were in a fire engine and arrived at a scene of some kind of disaster. The road was cordoned off police and other fire engines were present. 

The man I was with said we needed to get the ladder off the top of the truck and we took an end each. As I walked backwards the ladder just kept coming, growing to a ridiculous length. 

I walked backwards into a long tunnel and the other end of the ladder was still on the top of the fire engine. 

After I'd walked for about a mile the man shouted that the ladder was off and we could now use it. 

With us on either end of the ladder it was totally impossible to manoeuvre and we were in a vast dark tunnel so couldn't see either.  The man shouted that we needed to put the ladder back and we struggled out of the tunnel into the daylight. 

Everyone had gone and the street was normal as if nothing had ever happened. 

                        

Never ending search

I fell into such a deep sleep last night that I can only recall the dream I had just prior to once again being woken by a very intrusive alarm indicating it was time to join the real world. 

I was with a group of unknown people and I was once again searching for something. The something was not known and I was walking over hills and through empty streets. 

I'm sure it all had a deep meaning but I'm really not awake enough to even contemplate it. 

I was thinking during the dream about why I am always searching, maybe I'd not like what I find? 

                      

Carrot run

For unknown reasons I was collecting carrots, although not in the normal manner. 

I was walking uninvited into people's houses and conducting thorough searches of the entire property. Instead of looking in the obvious places such as the fridge or food cupboards, I searched everywhere. 

The odd part was that no one complained or even questioned my actions. 

Just before being rudely awoken by the alarm this morning for work I was standing in a public toilet with an old school friend called Paul who I haven't seen for over 35 years. 

The place was completely tiled and stank of urine. In one corner a solid part of the wall looked different in colour and I took hold of the top of the wall and it started to peel off like paper. 

As I removed it I heard the familiar sound of the alarm and I was immediately yanked from my dream and back into reality.